Small victories, big setbacks

Better than I was, worse than I could be

Reviewing my 2023

If you were to ask me in 2020 that I'd still be at the stage I'm in, I'd look at you with incredulity flooding my gaze. By the time I opened my webpage, I was already close to fulfilling my initial physical goals, making some steady progress on Hanon and thought by this time I'd have the full book beat. Instead, I've been procrastinating on bringing my Hanon progress log up to date, which is giving me the excuse to procrastinate on progressing up the list of exercises.

I'd be lying if the reason why I'm procrastinating is related solely to not wanting to play piano.
The truth is that there is an area in my left wrist which has been hurting whenever I bend my hand a certain way. I thought resting would be enough to give it time to recuperate, but it hasn't helped at all.

Resting wasn't enough. It's still here.
I went to an orthopedist who, after a quick examination, told me it wasn't piano-related and that I should keep playing. I failed to make mention I've been playing on a busted office chair that comes off its hinges if I move too much one way or another. This has not contributed much to my piano-playing posture and, after a couple of tests, I figured out that indeed, if I fix my posture, I won't put myself in harm's way. It's not that I can't entirely play as things stand, but I can feel the stress piling up on my wrist and the discomfort beginning to rear its ugly head, threatening to become pain, after a while, in specific exercises.

The motivational dark fire mentioned in the Hanon log entry for exercise 20 is not enough to get me through this unless I'm willing to permanently injure myself. I am not that short-sighted. It's a matter of getting a proper piano seat and adjusting it so I can practice good posture once and for all. It's not just the arms. The lower back plays a role I never thought to be as big as it actually is. Turns out, piano is a full-body exercise.

Once again this year, I was voluntarily dragged into putting more work hours than contractually established. More lost time, except this time it was only 5 months rather than a year and a half. Once again, most of my progress was reset. I had to take a vacation for the first time since I began working and I've since imposed a hard limit concerning my work hours. Working as many hours as I was working is incompatible with the slow life I want to lead for now.

For now...

It's been three years since I opened my webpage. I've had some progress in many areas of my life and even speedran my collaboration efforts with a doujin circle. It's undeniable that I'm better now in multiple fields than I was before I opened this webpage. Still, it feels like I move forward a couple of steps, meander about, trip and fall back a couple steps more. Square one is behind me, but is still perfectly visible.

Perhaps it's time to admit that I am an average human being with little drive. Submit to inertia and enjoy the mediocre pleasures in life. Next year, 2024, is the year of the ultimatum. If I can't pull my act together now, in my third attempt in three years, then I'm sure I never will. My working situation is finally stabilizing and I'm reclaiming all the free time I need. The rest is all up to my strength of will.

There's no beating around the bush: it's now or never.

Here's to hoping 2024 is is the year.

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