NEW ERA
(for real this time)
Wrestlemania 40 review
Just kidding.
One thing you may have picked up from reading my webpage, dear reader, is that I'm not a masochist. I'm not going to review the whole thing. Just the feuds that matter: the Cody-Roman-The Rock-other shield guy feud and most importantly Draws "Dimes" McIntyre's feud against nothing in particular.
The lead-up
of market oversaturation
Years before, Triple HHH is given free rein to apply his vision of the future by taking charge of NXT, a talent incubator. He immediately turns it into a bland super-indie. It's all smooth sailing to declining ratings and Mark Meltzer stars until someone creates a new sports entertainment promotion. Seething, Triple HHH pushes for NXT to become a third brand, going head to head with the new rival. So begins the so-called wednesday night "war"
inviting everyone to slide inside his foxhole.
crashing survivor series in a friggin' tank
In a year, NXT loses so hard it affects the main business. Enter Nick Khan, Vince McMahon and a novel move: fire the indie darlings so they may carry their dimeless stink to the rival. Triple HHH loses favor and NXT returns to basics with Shawn Michaels. Things get even worse for Triple HHH: a heart attack retires him and saves the world from suffering the epic retirement tour he had planned.
"the new brand" back to "developmental system"
Triple HHH's visible chagrin is hilarious
Nick Khan seemingly navigates this mess into overturning Triple HHH and Stephanie McMahon. Curiously, a sex scandal involving Vince McMahon breaks out, ousting him as well, but not before rehiring Cody Rhodes, living son of dead Dusty Rhodes, jumpimg ship from the rival after an overwhelming sam audience rejects his self-indulgent theatrics.
He wins the royal rumble, main events and loses at wrestlemania and glides to the upper-midcard, leaving room for suspicion that we've not seen the last of this twitchy shitter. Meanwhile, The Rock returns, trades blows with the "Drawharaja" Jinder Mahal as dimes rain down from the sky, teases a wrestlemania match with Roman Reigns and leaves. A while later, a brittle shitter called Phil Brooks reprises his character, CM Punk, as reward for his spectacular corporate sabotage of the rival promotion.
his derangement reflects on his face
The road to wrestlemania 40
CM Punk is primed to win the royal rumble but has the usual self-injury, so it's up to Cody Rhodes, whose dead father is Dusty Rhodes, to win and rekindle our suffering.
Since Reigns isn't letting go of the title, they make a new one (the consolation title). In a move that harkens back to Triple HHH's neverending dimeless run, they give it to the other shield guy, except he doesn't turn heel. He then has lots of heatless bangers that he wins after forgetting the injuries he's overselling. All the while transforming the process of coming out to the ring into a coming out of the closet ritual, clothed such that even the most flamboyant gay pride paraders recoil with second-hand embarrassment.
The other shield guy, having a proven record of being an unsafe tin can, almost makes the consolation title interesting by getting injured for real multiple times, but all we get is a series of fake-out title vacancy speeches that always end with him hyping himself up as the crowd begs him to leave. This failure deserves a full separate page detailing how awful he is in all aspects of sports entertainment, so I'll end it here.
Wrestlemania hype kicks in and once again this waste of space tries to make himself relevant... By begging Cody Rhodes, son of the late Dusty Rhodes, to pick him as his opponent over Roman Reigns. Roman fires back in a career highlight promo, finally putting this chancer in his place.
"He says he has THE title... So I had to think about it: didn't I beat everybody competing for that title? Shouldn't we call that the loser bracket title?"
"He had the audacity to call himself THE guy! You can't be running around here for two years in your wife's clothes and say you're the guy!"
"Cody, I'm not gonna beg ya like the other guy. You can either be the very best number two in this industry, or take another crack as being nuber one."
Too bad Cody Dustyson has to come and ruin it. To everyone's relief, he declares he won't be challenging Roman, as the Rock comes out to yet another staggering pop to do good on the promise he made at the beginning of the year.
It's all a big work
WWE PR boosts the voices of whiny bitches who want Cody Rhodes (father Dusty Rhodes status: dead) to fight Roman Reigns for the title. The Rock turns heel and the promo battles begin. For the next couple of weeks, the Rock graces us with must-see TV on smackdown (if you skip all the intros) while the opposition provides middling speeches on RAW.
Show this picture to anyone familiar with pro wrestling who hasn't tuned in for 10 years and ask them who are the good guys.
Keeping them separate is a wise decision. In the few occasions the feud's cast is put together, the discrepancy is such you're hard pressed to take the other shield guy or Cody Rhodes (dead father Dusty Rhodes) as contenders. Smackdown March 8 makes this crystal clear when the other shield guy interrupts The Rock with a tantrum made all the more off-putting by his Kung Pow Betty voice. The Rock is often visibly pissed off at their ineptitude to sustain the feud.
But The Rock is no saint, more often than not wink-wink nudge-nudging the audience about being a stand-up guy. This culminates with his Memphis "Concert", trying his hardest to paint a picture of being the local favourite son. His stint, although entertaining, never touches the heights of his 2003 hollywood Rock run. Arguably, you can blame his co-stars for that.
PAGE UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Will be updated eventually
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